Depression is a word that I never thought would take part of my life. I have three wonderful children that would do anything that they can for me and I had a loving husband that loved me beyond words. I was devastated when he finally went home to be with His Heavenly Father and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to handle this situation. I was scared that I would lose the children and I was scared that I was going to become homeless since I would have no way to pay the bills.
My loving husband passed away because of several illnesses showed their ugly heads in his body. Such illness as cancer, diabetics, and heart failure was trying to win the privilege of being the boss of his body. He was in extreme pain toward the end of his life and the last five years that he was alive, he had been in the hospital over fifty times for different reason.
Most of time when Christmas came around, my husband was in the hospital once again and depression would hit hard one of my children would ask why dad couldn’t wait till after Christmas to go into the hospital. They were getting tired of going to the hospital to open their presents when they would heard how other children would spend their holidays.
My children would hear how other children stayed in their pajamas to open their presents and they had the whole afternoon to play with family as they played with their new presents. The big dinner was detailed to us as people complained about eating too much food and having a hard time pushing away from the table.
We would get up at ten and the children would take their presents to their dad’s hospital room, so that he could watch them open the gifts they had received. Our food consisted of ham sandwiches and chips with ice cream from the hospital food bar for dessert.
Depression hit hard the year that he passed away and I honestly couldn’t care if I lost my job or not. I am glad that my employer was very understood and let me have two weeks off with pay. I will always say thank you to them and I was glad that they were there for me. They made a rough time a little easier for someone who was always worrying about the worst.
When Christmas comes, I suffer from depression that it hurts more each year I experience it, but I always tell myself that my loving husband wouldn’t want me to suffer in this way. He loved me very much and I love him, we were always there for each other and I would never change any of the years that I had with him. I know that my children feel the same way about the years that they had with their father.
I know that depression is just my way of handling the lost of the most important person in my life and since then, I have come to lean on my Heavenly Father for support. When I feel the ugly head of depression coming on me, I will pray to my Heavenly Father for help getting through this rough time and I know that it has become easier as I walk through this rough time hand in hand with God. God will always be there for me to lean on and He will always listen to me as I tell Him about the problems of my life.